Communicating effectively is a skill, not a talent. Someone who may be able to speak eloquently may not necessarily be able to communicate effectively with others in day-to-day scenarios. While these templates do not account for the tone and delivery of the communication, it will help ensure that all the information that should be provided in these difficult conversations is provided, and in a concise way.
If you are looking to improve your working relationship with your colleagues, your managers, and even your loved ones, try implementing these templates to communicate effectively in the workplace - and in your personal life.
1. Communicating action
For context, {context}. In response to this, I {action}. Then, {result} happened.
This template can be used in most communications of a piece of information, specifically about an action that you have done. It’s most commonly suggested as advice for answering interview questions, but it is a simple template and can be applicable in all situations. It could be an event that you experience, a problem you are facing, or just an FYI memo.
Context: Why should the person(s) receiving this information care about it? What is the background information of this point that would help it make sense to the other?
Action/Incident: What action(s) did you take in regard to this point? or What was the incident that you are reporting?
Result: What resulted from this action? Every story needs an ending, so be sure to state the end result of your action.
Example:
[Context] I’ve been doing some thinking about ways to improve the conversions of our main website. While I was looking up for some tools that could potentially help us, [Action] I noticed that many of these websites use pop-ups with an interesting message. [Result] I’m sharing it because I think we can somehow replicate this in our work.
2. Communicating Feelings
When {event} happened, I felt {feeling} because I need/value {need}. Would you be willing to {request} in the future?
Some people might believe that feelings have no place in the workplace, but studies have shown that vulnerability can actually be a source of innovation, trust, and engagement. Learning to communicate feelings in the workplace may seem personal and overwhelming, but knowing how to do it right can help build an open culture in the office.
A simple formula to get it right all the time is to structure it as Event-Feeling-Need-Request. This is to ensure that all the relevant information is being conveyed effectively, even in an emotional moment.
Event: What was the event that sparked the feeling?
Feeling: What is the emotion being felt? If unable to think of the right word, try taking one or two words from this emotion list.
Need: What is the underlying need that felt unmet or value that felt jeopardised?
Request: This needs to be a specific request that has clear actionables. For instance, “be more considerate” is very open-ended, while “notify me when you’re not going to make it to a meeting” is a clear action that can be easily followed up.
Example:
[Event] When I heard from John that I was taken off the project, [Feeling] I felt embarrassed and hurt. [Need] I value clear communication in my work, especially when it regards projects I'm on. [Request] Next time I’m being removed from the project, please let me know first.
3. Constructive disagreement
Recently, {incident} happened. I disagree, because {reason}. Instead, why don’t we try {suggestion}?
Being able to constructively disagree at work can do wonders not only for your quality of work, but also your job satisfaction and engagement. According to Amy Gallo on Harvard Business Review: “Disagreements are an inevitable, normal, and healthy part of relating to other people. There is no such thing as a conflict-free work environment.”
Ensuring that you provide all the relevant information when you disagree keeps it constructive and turns the conflict into the beginning of a discussion.
Event: or the point of disagreement. This could be something said, an event that occurred, or even a stance. This will quickly provide the context for the disagreement first.
Disagree: This could be as simple as saying: “I disagree”.
Reason: This is your stance and the reasoning behind it. Providing a few reasons could help drive the discussion along to come to an amicable decision, which should be the purpose of the disagreement.
Suggestion: It can be hard to provide clear suggestions, especially if you’re in the middle of a conversations, but this will help boost the credibility of your disagreement. By showing a great alternative, this will help move the discussion faster towards an amicable end.
Example: [Incident] Recently, there was a new rule that restricts working from home. [Disagree] I disagree with the rule, [Reason] because working from home has improved productivity in my team, especially in managing my team-mates' work-life balance. [Suggestion] If the concern is on accountability, why don’t we try setting a rule of restricting work from home days to once a week and set processes for accounting for work done on that day?
4. Giving feedback
The reason why I’m bringing this up is because {purpose of feedback}. I noticed that {incident observed}, and it resulted in {reactions}. Perhaps you could consider {suggestions}.
The process of giving feedback can be similar to disagreeing with someone, except that feedback could be about seemingly personal attributes. According to the concept of Radical Candor, direct feedback has to come with the belief that the person giving the feedback personally cares for the other. Without the care, the feedback could come across aggressive and insincere.
Using this framework, you ensure that all the necessary context is provided, keeping the feedback constructive, start with the reason why the feedback is given, and give it with empathy.
Purpose of feedback: The reason why this feedback is given. This helps alleviate some tension in the discussion, as it keeps the person receiving feedback from having to guess what it is about.
Incident Observed: The incident that sparked the feedback. In providing feedback, having a clear incident(s) to refer to helps keep the feedback logical and clear. Avoid relying on “usually”s and “always”.
Reactions: The reactions, or the consequences, of the point of feedback. This helps the other person understand the impact of their actions, on others, the organisation, or even themselves.
Suggestions: When it’s practical to provide suggestions, you can offer them as a show of support. But remember that everyone is different, and it is up to the receiver of the feedback whether or not to take your suggestions. And if you find it hard to provide suggestions positively, then avoid doing it at all.
Example: [Purpose of feedback] I’m bringing this up because we work in the same team, and I feel like we all need to support each other for the team to succeed. [Incident observed] During our last client meeting, I noticed that you use the word “probably” frequently in discussing the project. [Reactions] It makes you seem uncertain about the details and it resulted in the client asking more questions. [Suggestions] Perhaps you could try using that word less, especially on topics that I know you’re very well-versed in.
5. Receiving feedback
Can I clarify: {understanding}?
I hear what you’re saying: {repeat feedback}. Thank you {appreciate}, I think that {respond}, and in the future I will {build}.
If you’re willing to give feedback, you should also be ready to receive it. No matter if the feedback is valid or not, learning to receive it well can be a show of strength and a willingness to learn. Most importantly, it will keep the feedback coming, which is extremely important if you’re going to continue growing as a person.
Unlike previous steps, this template is delivered less like a monologue and more like a conversation. That’s because listening, and eventually showing that you’re listening, is a key part of receiving feedback well.
Understand: Ensure that you understand what the feedback is about. If the information offered isn’t clear, then ask questions to clarify.
Repeat: Repeat the feedback back to the person offering it. This is a handy step to not only ensure that you’re both on the same page, but also that you are hearing that person out.
Respond: Depending on what the feedback was, you can choose to either accept it or reject it right there and then, or take the time to process it. No matter what, stay respectful.
Appreciate: Whether or not you’re taking the feedback, take the time to appreciate the person for providing it. Good feedback takes time and thought, and sometimes it can be hard to give. Showing appreciation keeps the feedback coming.
Build: Build onto your response. If you choose to accept, you can explain your experience during the incident that sparked the feedback, or offer next steps that you’ll take. If you choose to reject, definitely explain a little bit of why you decided on that. If you’re not taking the feedback right away, feel free to convey your own emotions on the topic, and what’s keeping you from taking the feedback now.
Example:
A: [Understand] Can I clarify how my overuse of the word “probably” led to the client’s questions?
B: The uncertainty you were showing made the client feel anxious that we weren't able to do the job well. That's why he kept asking questions about our capabilities and processes.
A: Okay, I understand now. [Repeat] So the use of the word “probably” creates the impression that I don’t know the details of the project, which can lead to clients feeling uneasy.
B: Yes, exactly.
A: Got it. [Appreciate] Thank you for giving me this feedback. [Respond] I think you raise a really good point, and I’m going to take that into mind in my next meeting. [Build] I’ll be sure to watch my tone in future meetings, and do let me know if you catch me overusing that word again in the future!
